Proverbs 21:5
The plans of the diligent lead surely to advantage, but everyone who is hasty comes surely to poverty.

This is one of the biggest struggles for me.  Not because I like flashy things, but because I spend a lot of money on food and gifts.  What is an appropriate amount for each category?  I am looking at our account statement and it’s like three black holes colliding–an organic supermarket, an art supplies paradise, and a bookstore.   I love food, my kids love to do art projects, and I give a lot of books.  And when one is going through a difficult time, one is tempted to say, “I deserve this overpriced smoothie and my kids deserve this deluxe art car painting set.”  Really?  We do?  We are entitled to this?

Recently someone who has five cars and two boats suggested women spend too much money.  I laughed it off and looked at the stack of self help books I got him (the irony).  But I felt like I needed to bring this to God.

And what did I hear?  That to even begin to understand people struggling with addiction, I had to experience abstenance from something I thought pretty important.  And even then, I will never be able to fully understand the pain the addict goes through.

Which area of my life was God leading me to confront?  Spending money. What does it feel like not to spend money, even on a cappuccino?  I am going to find out.  Of course, I get caveats that an addict doesn’t.  I’ll buy simple presents for my kids’ classmates if someone has a birthday party.  And I will have small birthday parties for my kids.  A small amount for groceries and gas.  But that is it.

How am I going to do this?  By planning out meals for the week, which I used to do religiously, and not going out to eat.  By making gifts for people (welcome back to middle school).  By just staying in the moment and breathing.  By letting my friends keep me accountable.  By depending on God.  As Fr. Meletios says, “I cannot, God can, and I am going to let him.”  And for how long?  Until Easter.

I hope that by bringing the allowable amount in the food and gifts category close to zero, I will be able to be a better judge of what “I am entitled to.”  And less able to judge others.  I will keep you posted.  I have a feeling this is going to be much harder than it seems.