My daughter saw me watching a news segment on Orlando.

She asked, “What’s that?”

Caught off guard, I said “That’s news.” No kidding.

And then I turned to Sesame Street as if to say, “Let’s hear Elmo’s take on the matter.”

In my defense, I wanted to protect my kid from scary news, I was still processing what happened, and I had no idea what I was supposed to tell her. So I did some research. In an online article, expert Denise Daniels suggested some verbiage. We can say that there was a bad person and he hurt people because he was angry “and we know’—and this is the teachable moment—’that it’s never okay to hurt ourselves or to hurt somebody else because we’re feeling angry.'”

Later, when I felt ready to address the topic, I told the kids basically that. And I added that I loved them and that we can respond by being extra kind and gentle to each other.

It wasn’t great, but it felt good to address the issue and suggest a response.

The articles I read also emphasized that we as parents must take care of ourselves so we can be good listeners, reassure our kids, and suggest ways to do something positive in response to what happened. So don’t feel bad if you send your kids to camp so you can spend time with the baby and then pick up the older kids smiling and ready to be present to them. Do what you need to do for self care so that you are not ugly crying in front of them.

I mention this because a woman who has no kids asked me, aghast, why I would possibly send my older kids to camp instead of having them with me all the time. Because the kids love camp.  And because I want to stay sane, friend. Because I want to have time and energy to think about how best to address what happened in Orlando. Because I want to model loving kindness.

I want to have time to think about what happened since I don’t have Jon Stewart anymore to comfort and enlighten me. I keep hoping he comes back, but every time I see a photo of him, he looks more and more like Leo Tolstoy. The chances of him coming back are similar to finding a book on divorce in a Catholic bookstore. I have to be my own Jon Stewart, darn it. My friends and I have to come together to figure out what the heck we’re going to tell our kids about what is going on in the world. And that takes energy.

But I have to do it.

Because it’s important to use words to process our emotions and think of positive ways to channel our feelings. Otherwise, we, too, can allow anger to build up inside of us. It’s okay to cry in front of our kids, but it’s not okay to take our feelings out on them. We can vent to other adults, discuss, feel our emotions, talk about it some more, and take positive action. And then we can cry again, because no words can ever convey exactly how we feel. And that’s okay.  In those moments, I turn to the Psalms to calm my soul.  Here is my favorite, a great one to share with kids.

Psalm 23 (NASB)

The Lord, the Psalmist’s Shepherd.
A Psalm of David.

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Press on, mom!