A birthday party for your kids—a place where your love for your kids, your aspirations for a magical party, and your budget meet.

If we had unlimited resources, we would ask the child where she’d like her party, invite all the people we love, and feed them like there’s no tomorrow.  But we do have a budget, and for some people, the economy is forcing the budget to be more constrained than usual.  For others, time and energy are the most precious resources, and so we have to be honest and realistic about what we can accomplish.   Let me tell you about two parties I had for my daughter—one at a nature center and one at the Mad Potter.  I will share my errors and my triumphs so that when you plan your party, it will be excellent.

First, I suggest you choose a venue based on your child’s preferences and find out what the party actually includes. Assume nothing. Since the nature center party room included tanks with a lizard and various critters, I got the impression that we would have a chance to see the little guys as part of the presentation.  Instead, we examined droppings from various animals.  “Ooops, I dropped the elephant poop!” one kid exclaimed, and I couldn’t help laughing. And then the children looked for skeet on the hike.  Actually, I think the kids loved it, but I looked at the other parents and we chuckled together.

Ask who will be leading the presentation.  Try to make sure it’s not a person who is very difficult to understand even for an ESL-trained teacher.   Make sure he or she has experience with the child’s age group.  Inspired by her surroundings, one of the children in our party yelled out that our guide looked like a green animal, and I think the guide got offended.  She also had never worked with four-year-olds, God rest her soul.  Don’t worry, she did survive, but barely.  I think the hike at the end of the presentation entertained the kids and calmed her.

Speaking of near-death experiences, figure out the price tag ahead of time. Some venues charge a set price for a set number of kids and below, others charge per kid.  So, when I had a party at the nature center, I didn’t have to worry about inviting more kids than I could afford (“First twelve kids to arrive are welcome! Sorry, Ivan, you should have arrived on time, buddy.  See you on Monday”).  At the Mad Potter, I had to pay per kid, and I specifically limited the number of kids and the types of pottery he or she could choose to what I could afford.  We celebrated with eight families, and it was perfect.  Which brings me to the next point.

I had to be realistic about how many kids I could handle based on how many people would be helping me.  For the Mad Potter party, I recruited my mom and dad to help (otherwise, I knew the only party we’d be having is a tea party at home with me reading poetry in the background).   I asked my dad to take Mitya for a walk so that I could focus on being a hostess, and it was still tiring.  My friends have a lot of little kids, praise God!  That’s another reason I limited the guest list.  I knew I just couldn’t handle more kids and stay a loving hostess.

Third, provide food for your guests.  I am a hostess who plans ahead of time so that her guests are fed (pizza and cake, for example, or whatever the budget allows. One of my friends served different types of popcorn, and it was really yummy).   A word about cakes.  I would call a day ahead to make sure that they have the order that you placed earlier and that there is someone assigned to make it.  I’ve arrived to pick up the cake at the appointed time only to find out that the cake had not been made yet (“So sorry!”).  The good news about that is that the cake they will make eventually should come at a deep discount because of their negligence, with maybe some candles thrown in.  So maybe don’t call ahead.  Just kidding.

I have to be honest here and say that in Eastern European culture, and in many cultures around the world, you plan a party that’s simple enough so that you have enough money for good food.  There’s something about feeding your guest that’s culturally ingrained.  I have never been to a party of someone from another country where there hasn’t been ample food.  We just wouldn’t be comfortable inviting someone unless we could feed them well.  I really struggled with this because I wanted to spend as little money as humanly possible on this party.  But as the date neared, I felt extremely uneasy.  I knew that I had to plan for more food.  So, the party favors dropped to $2 a person (dry erase boards and a toy that looked like Sasha from Party City) so that I could afford the increased food tab.  For the nature center party, I let each child choose seeds and then I gave his or her mom an individually-wrapped rose.  For this party, I sacrificed creativity for sanity, and a good cake.  And the party turned out just fine!

Which is the concluding point.  Even if all you have is a cake from the supermarket around the block and some candles, you are still celebrating your child, and that’s the whole point.  You are bringing together good people to bring love around your kid and make him or her feel cherished.  And to celebrate you!  You made it another year pouring yourself out for your child!  Good job!  Now for the after party (In reality, you’ll find me asleep next to the kids after I read them a story).

Thanks to everyone who made our parties memorable!  Your love filled the room and overflows into every day of the year.