Happy Mother’s Day, y’all!  Congrats on making it another year!  Thank you for working so hard for your babies.

I know life may not have gone exactly according to plan for you.  I think that’s the reality for a lot of mothers (Mother Mary for one).  I just finished Option B by Sheryl Sandburg.  The idea behind this book is that for many of us, Option A (what we wanted) is not available.  Maybe we wanted to watch the sunset with our husband, sipping iced tea while the kids played merrily in the yard.  We wanted our kids to have a certain kind of childhood.  But that option is no longer available.  For Sheryl, Option A ceased to be when her husband died.  Her friend encouraged to make the most of Option B.  Sheryl writes about how to do just that.  Make the most of the options available to us.  Sheryl doesn’t sugar coat grief.  She writes about the sadness and the anger. But she fights on to find joy, for herself and for her children.

As I said during a job interview this week, my Option A was to be a stay-at-home mom for the rest of my life, basically.  I wanted to be present for my children.  But suddenly, that option became unsustainable.  I have to find a job.  I have to find, and will continue to find, the best Option B. Being present when I am with my kids, and doing the best job I can when I am away.

Since I have been at home since 2012, the transition back into the work force comes with a steep (re-)learning curve.  I am truly grateful for the people who have stepped up to guide my way and mentor me.  I am particularly grateful for mothers who are showing me the way to be as present to my kids as I can.  I think particularly of my own mom here.  I remember hearing a woman tell her mom that she’s the worst grandma ever.  Well, I can say with some certainty that my children have the best grandma, and I am so grateful for her!  For my mom and for me, being the best mom I can be is still the most important goal.  I may have to take a different road, but that road still provides myriad opportunities to be present, to truly listen.

Reading 7 Habits of Happy Kids, the kids and I learned to listen with our ears, our eyes, and our hearts.  To listen closely with our whole being.  That’s what I want to do when I am home from work as much as possible.  Really listening to my kids communicates to them that they matter.  I don’t have to agree, but I do have to listen and accept their feelings.  As I learned from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, we help our kids deal with their feelings by listening quietly and attentively, acknowledge their feelings with a word as simple as “Oh,” giving the feeling a name, and giving kids their wishes in fantasy.  Truly listening to someone communicates to them that they matter as human beings.  In Option B, Sheryl writes,

Building resilience depends on the opportunities children have and the relationships they form with parents, caregivers, teachers, and friends. We can start by helping children develop four core beliefs: (1) they have some control over their lives; (2) they can learn from failure; (3) they matter as human beings; and (4) they have real strengths to rely on and share.

We as mothers do have some control over our lives, we can learn from (interview;) failure, we matter as human beings, and we have real strengths to rely on and share, whether just with our families or with the larger community.  Amen, ladies!  Have a great weekend!