John Wesley, a big proponent of small groups, wrote,
Though we cannot think alike, may we not love alike? May we not be of one heart, though we are not of one opinion? Without all doubt, we may. Herein all the children of God may unite, notwithstanding these smaller differences.
This fall, I signed up for a Bible study at a local church/preschool, thinking it would be encouraging to get in touch with fellow moms. The organizer placed me into a study with almost exclusively grandmothers, and I thought, well, this is going to be interesting. Will we get past the initial awkwardness? Are we going to be able to relate to each other? Can I be my free spirit mommy self here? Thankfully, the answer turned out to be “Absolutely!”
The leader, a male pastor one year older than me, set the tone of respect and caring. “All people are of sacred worth,” he says. Each member of our intergenerational group has been gifting us with his or her unique presence, story, and service. The prayerful singer who teaches us how to remember the fruits of the spirit. There are nine: three one-syllable words (love, joy, peace), three two-syllable words (goodness, patience, kindness), and three three-syllable words (faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control). For Christmas, she writes a song and makes jam. Her daughter works in Africa. Another woman, witty and wise, takes care of her granddaughter, and when I reached out to the group about a family in need, she and another woman, a retired nurse with a beautiful, warm spirit, brought me food to pass on to the family. Another grandmother, with eyes blue like the clearest Grecian water and words bold like Grecian mountains brought the family clothing that fit better than anything the husband ever tried on. A hilariously sharp woman who is pushing ninety, but always talks with her chin up, brought the wife a gigantic set of markers and a coloring book to calm her mind, because “the wife needs something, too.” A strikingly beautiful woman with a generous heart offered her house to the family. Her house, y’all. Each person gave generously out of the Spirit in her heart.
These people have empowered me not only with their actions, but also with their words. The idea that “everyone is entitled to his or her opinion!” frees us to speak our mind. We value each other and strive to understand and show kindness while keeping our sense of humor. Our oldest member commented that a woman at her “compound” (retirement community), scoffed at her for attending a small group. Our girl replied, “I don’t need to go to Bible study to be good. I was good to begin with.” Another thing our oldest member says is that she is “without question, without reservation, the luckiest woman” she knows. She has been through many hard knocks, but she has a Spirit that pulls her up. Many in her shoes would be (and are) bitter. Instead, by the grace of God, she is full of life and fun.
In the study called Unbinding Your Heart, we learned about sharing our stories, studying the Bible, and serving our community. It starts with studying the Word and honestly and openly responding. Being “vulnerable.” Vulnerability. It’s so “in” right now. But who likes being vulnerable? It’s hard every time. Yet when you feel like you’re in “safe territory,” suddenly being vulnerable isn’t scary. It’s freeing and healing. As one of the women says, our group is “safe territory.” When we live in our world, having safe territory is priceless. But what to do about the world? The woman with a gift of leadership reminds us that early Christians didn’t pray to get rid of the opposition, but to speak with more boldness.
I would love to say that everything is warm and fuzzy in a group like this. In a way, it is, because a spirit of love and loyalty permeates the room. AND there is accountability. I remember a friend saying to me, “I don’t want anyone to hold me accountable.” I am sure that at one time or another, we can all relate. This is my life, thank you very much, and I would love to just continue in these maddening patterns. Thankfully, a group like this knows better than to allow us that torture. We are gently encouraged forward. Sure, we can still stay stuck. These people will love us anyway. But to have someone affirm you in wanting to change or develop in the whatever way God is leading us–that is priceless. And to have someone say “I’ve been there,” because they actually have, is so comforting.
Yes, these women have “been through it” and survived. They have come out the other side. That’s what makes them grown and sexy–their confidence in God. I look in their faces and I see living proof of God’s goodness and faithfulness. I see the gifts of the Spirit that God has developed in them. They are women of indomitable spirit, the Spirit of God. When I doubt whether I can make it, I think, God has helped them. He can help me, too (Lord, make me even more grown and sexy, hahaha! Couldn’t resist, guys). I ask for wisdom. I bring my energy and my truth. Synergistically, our words blend into a deeper understanding of the subject matter. How do you get a group like this? It’s easy. Just pray for a total of about 500 years. These women have been on their knees praying, reading the Bible, going to church, and reaching out to their community. That’s how they’ve gotten through it. And that means it’s okay to need each other. It’s necessary. God blesses our desire to unify for the common cause of doing right by people, especially our kids. Thank you, ladies, for waiting on and trusting in God, because you are my grown and sexy role models, my steel magnolias, my Grand Mothers. You help me persevere.