Let me start off by saying this is a bit darker than my previous writing.  

Part of the reason that I haven’t been writing is because I have been wrestling with certain things.  Sometimes wresting is bloody and sometimes your ankle just gives out and you are just kinda hanging out on the stretcher of life.  

But maybe there’s certain reflection that can happen on the stretcher (read: difficult circumstances) that could not happen in happy times.  

I know a lot of us are starting over during this time and I want to encourage you by saying that you are not alone and you’re not starting from scratch, as Sarah Jakes Roberts said in her sermon The Undoing.  

It is in the Undoing that we let go and let God lead us.   That we acknowledge that certain things have to come undone for us to move forward.  I feel like fighting, but God says be still.  I will fight your battles for you.  

I went to see a beautiful friend recently.  She is also going through a hard time and her dad was there, encouraging both of us.  He asked me if I had considered that Jesus could have just pierced his side with a sword and died for us right then and there.  But he stayed with the plan, persevered in the suffering, and saved the thief on the cross next to him.  He had to stick it out to save his sheep.  

I am in no way saying you should stay in an abusive situation.  Get out as soon as you safely can.  What I am saying is that sometimes out of our suffering, we can grow and maybe even bless others.  Let me give you a quick example.

Recently, I had the opportunity to pick up my middle child from New Jersey.  In the process, my other kids and I drove all the way there, spent time as a family with both parents and all three kids together, hung out with the awesome cousins and their very generous parents, and drove back (Lil Nas X, since in every state we visited, you asked us to call you, I just want you to know that everything is okay and we wish you all the very best.  My kids love your songs).  

Anyway, I would like to be able to say that walking around trails and the City with my ex husband was super easy but of course it was not.  At one point on the Palisades Parkway, there was a lookout on which someone graffitied “Die” and my heart answered “gladly.”

We are not together for a reason, or for multiple reasons. But see, my heart had to relearn that all over again.  And that was hard because on some level my heart still wishes that we can all be together again.  The reality is I will always care about this person as he is the father of my children.  

But we are also very different and there’s a huge part of me that wants to verbalize all the differences all at once as I feel the heaviness on my heart.  But what if I just be still and bring Grace?  I can worship on my own at night and in the morning and ask God to move in me.  To change me into the person he created me to be apart from anyone else.  And in the process of talking to my family and friends, listening to sermons, reading the Bible, offering up my heart to Jesus for healing, I learned that I do not have to speak.  I can be quiet, I can be still, and just breathe through it.  I can let go.  And in the process of letting go and breathing, we made memories as a family that hopefully the kids will treasure.  

If I could add a last lyric to Bieber’s song, I’d say

I get my encouragement from the Bible (that’s Holy Writ)

Yes, my family and friends are absolutely wonderful and they give me strength to persevere.   I know I am so blessed in this area, it’s an embarrassment of riches. And I also get my strength, my encouragement, my perseverance, my je ne sais quoi from reading the Bible and trusting God, saying as Job did, “Though He slay me, I will hope in Him.” 

Isn’t that hope what helps us persevere?  God is merciful in that trials don’t last forever and there’s hope for all of us in the storm.  The rain will stop eventually.  But did we have peace in the storm?

With love,

Lola Bunny

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

1 Peter 5:7

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” 

Philippians 4:6-7