as the title says, today marks four years since my mom passed. I ordered from Doma and got bulgogi (which my mom loved) and chicken wings for the kids, and they seemed to love it. Honestly, I was doing really well until about half an hour ago, when I lost it. Prior to that, I had a good day overall, buoyed by prayer, and then went to see my dad and Era.

first off, it was a new room, in a step-down unit, and after saying goodbye to my dad’s really good friend Scott, I was talking to my aunt and wearing my jacket and holding my dad’s hand. Suddenly, I felt like I was going to pass out, and told my dad to excuse me for a second. I went out into the hall and asked for a chair. I realized that I basically overheated, plus felt momentarily overwhelmed by the whole scene. Thankfully, after having a seat and taking off my jacket, God had mercy and I felt a lot better. I enjoyed sitting with my dad, and just telling him about our day and holding his hand.

After about an hour, Era came back with patient Rishi (Era has been there almost nonstop) and it was great to be with her, being with our dad together. It was a sweet moment. I feel like my mom was close to us. Then, my dad decided to take my pulse, and I told him I was fine. And then he gave me an arm massage, which is crazy if you saw the situation. I should not be getting a massage. I should be giving a massage. But that’s my dad. He is so kind. Maybe he knew how I felt deep inside, and he made me feel so loved. Which again is crazy because I go there to tell him how much I love him, and I am constantly either with the kids or at school and I feel like I want to be with him, but I can’t. Thankfully, I am doing a short day at work tomorrow so that I can be with him more. I can’t wait to tell him about watching the Olympics with the youngest. And to just hold his hand again.