It’s hard to imagine losing someone forever

and yet that happens all the time

so I better speak now or never

not trying to be super creative nor argumentative

but is it to much to write?

cuz writing is my Sedative

Medicine better than Zumba or

reruns of George Lopez

‘Ta loca? Writing now? Why?

Cuz I am getting recognized tomorrow

for teaching

but I recognize that I have held off from preaching

from beseeching people not to take life for granted

Stranded. Seeing a chasm and not knowing how to clear it

Believe it if I could pray my mom into existence

pray the war to stop

it would have already happened

Cuz we BEEN praying

like it’s raining our words

raining our tears every time a cloud is above you

God’s been collecting our tears and

telling us the Best is yet to come.

but is it when you haven’t found someone

who is as good as beautiful and wise as your mom?

She set a standard that is love

the Standard is Love

she lived out Christ Love but didn’t

take care of herself and ignored the pain

cuz everyone was more important than herself

in her eyes

She testifies to Love and I know

like with my knower

that she’s been taking care of us

in big ways and small ways

in last two winning points of a volleyball game

in giving Mitya the chance to fly

on the soccer field

In helping Andy persevere until he passed

the Black belt test

and even in our pain now

tell me how

we’ve been able to withstand for so long

I remember hearing that A Saint told

people he will be even more useful to them once he is gone because he will pray in Heaven for them

and so let me thank you Now mama

for praying for us

for saying grace and being our saving grace

because we miss you so much

church is not the same without you

and you know when I got two bouquets Mitya

and I brought one to you

r grave.

help us now

and would you talk to Jesus

Jesus you see us. You love us.

and you’ve been faithful

in providing and sustaining us

thank you for my dad, my sister, my aunts and uncles, my cousins and their families, for the presence of Big A in a moving way

for Nella

thanks for the kids that are making me question myself (am I sane? Just kidding) and want to become a better person.

thank you for FRIENDS for raspberries and cookies and coffee on our doorstep and So Much More for the chance to laugh again. Smile again because sometimes I can get to feeling and thinking

God, I don’t know why you took her so early. I don’t know why you are allowing a war to go on for over (forever) a year for honestly I can be honest here for no good reason that justifies so so much killing. People lost on both sides.
for what?

there is so much to pray for in our world right now. So many beautiful people to pray for.

I know my mom is watching over us with countless others

a cloud of witnesses

help us, Lord.

we can feel so lost.

and so grateful

and so certain

at the same time!

I know for certain that I will see my mom again

and we will spend forever together

in the bye and bye