What does it mean to have a happy family?  Because that’s what I want.  I want my kids to be happy.  The problem is, I think happiness comes in something I buy for them.  I mean, I know happiness comes from knowing one is loved and from loving others.  In serving others (filling someone’s bucket) and in taking the time to count our blessings. I know this, and then I buy them more bubbles.  What is the disconnect?

I think part of the issue is that my love languages are gifts and words of affirmation (“What a good job you’re doing on the art project we got!”), I show love through buying stuff.  Good stuff, but stuff nonetheless.  I feel a lot of internal judgment, but I think I am starting to make peace with who I am.  To make peace with setting a budget and accepting the fact that this is how I show my love for the kids, and it’s okay. I’m not buying a yacht.  I’m buying something the kids can do with their hands, working together. And praise God for it!

But can I tell you a secret? When I think of the happiest moments together, I think of us creating something.  I think of the kids taking the art supplies I have for them and using their imagination to make something delightful, and then playing with it together.  Like making penguin puppets and then having a puppet theater.  Or I think of us making a man-made volcano together and screaming with delight when all the “lava” gushes out.  I think of the gooey slime (recipe from Smithsonian Maker Lab) we let melt between our fingers.  I think of going to art classes together.  And I think of going outside and making a catalogue of birds we see (I really internally fought this because it happened to be so cold outside and I just wanted to chill inside, but the kids loved it).  Turns out, we have a lot of birds that like to hang with us day in and day out and we didn’t even know it!  Creating the catalogue taught us that.  In creating together, we find joy and wisdom.

But sometimes I don’t feel like orchestrating a science project.  And then, the happiest moments are just walking around outside in our yard, exploring together. Or biking in our neighborhood. Watching little blue butterflies dance mid air on the Monticello Saunders trail.  Taking pictures of the sunset.  Saying a prayer together in church.  Using our hands in art class and scooping lentils into a wooden bowl.  Traveling together.  Stopping at a local bookstore to choose a book for our friends and sending it to them.  Creating a care package, baby!  Because we want others to be happy, too, knowing we love them.

If we can create unhappiness, we can also create happiness.  We can create beautiful times together.  Creating memories together—that for me is happiness.  And it’s priceless.