While I sat in a hospital room, a nurse walked in to announce my blood type. “It’s B+!”  Of course it is.  You are unexpectedly pregnant.  Be positive!  What does it mean to be positive in challenging circumstances?

To me, it means being honest, with an eye toward the sunset in the distance, trusting that God is working all things for my good.  Therefore, I focus on the positive in life.

Being positive starts with being honest.  I remember working at a restaurant in high school.  I stood next to the manager as a man walked in.  “How’s business?” the man asked.  “Slow, man, slow.” This was right after September 11^th. The manager didn’t try to sugarcoat it.  We were suffering.  The two men stood and chatted for a while, heart-to-heart.  The visitor commiserated and offered some wisdom, hopeful that the situation would improve.  A little while later, the same question was asked of another manager.  “Good, pretty good” was the reply.  Business wasn’t good.  The manager was lying.  And the person asking the question could tell.  There was no chatting.  The manager missed an opportunity for vulnerability.  Interestingly, which manager was more successful in the long run?  Not the one who pretended everything was fine.  It was the one that was honest, who felt the pain, and then tried to find solutions and see the bigger picture.

Now a manager of three rambunctious individuals, I endeavor to be honest, but still stay positive.  Positive of what?  Positive that this situation stinks?  Maybe positive that there’s something to be grateful for in every place you find yourself.  I drove behind a black Mercedes SUV today and noticed two dogs peeking out the windows.  “Lucky dogs!” I thought.  But I am a lucky dog, too, in many ways.  And it’s important to stop and count our blessings.   For food, for warmth, for a good car.  For people in my life I love so much and who love me.

But still, there is the pain and the fear.  It’s tempting to turn to endless questions, fixate on the anger.  How could she?  How could he?  How could they? What’s going to happen to me?  It’s hard to let myself feel pain and come to terms with the fact that I’ll never know all the answers.  It’s hard to let go to stay positive.

Instead, I can make the choice to complain.  Woe is me!  What a rough life.  I can join my B- friends snickering in the corner.  The truth is, although they appreciate my black humor, sooner or later, I out myself.  “What a majestic sunset, guys!”  One time, I was walking with a friend and I noticed several baskets of hanging plants.  “What beautiful cascading plants!” I said.  “They are just plants, Elena.”  Got it.  Just plants.  This experience is a running joke between me and my sister.  If we are walking and I stop to notice the iridescent flower, she’ll say with a smile, “it’s just a flower, Elena.”  The truth is, it’s not just a flower.  It’s a marvelous creation and points to a wise Creator.  My sister and I both recognize that, but many people do not, and I can’t make them.

When I found myself unexpectedly pregnant right before the start of graduate school, people suggested a “quick solution.”  People you wouldn’t expect to suggest such a course of action.  A person who did not suggest anything of the sort (but wanted to be supportive) accompanied me to a maligned place, ironically named Planned Parenthood, to get a little bit more information.  With a monitor facing away from me, a patient medical assistant told me I was seven weeks pregnant.  My face lit up.  “Wow!  Seven weeks already.”  I felt so happy.  The medical assistant looked at me dumbfounded.  For some reason, finding out that I was that far along made me so joyful, despite the circumstances in which I was living.  As I walked out of there with a smile, my friend asked if it was done.  “I’ll tell you in the car.”  Planned Parenthood was spared another Joyful Pregnant Lady sighting.   I knew that the road would be difficult and I would have to carry a social as well as physical burden.  But I was looking at the sunset, at all the blessings of the situation, and I moved forward to the only course of action that made sense to me.  The one that kept the + sign.

What does keeping the positive mean?  It can mean that if your partner flies the coup, you, like Horton the Elephant, are left sitting on the egg day after day, carrying for the baby because “I meant what I said and I said what I meant. . .  An elephant’s faithful one hundred per cent!”  It can mean that you have to be honest about just how far your “student money” or “young professional money” can go, and so you may have to learn where your social security administration is located.  You may have to apply for government aid.  You may have to move in with your parents.  You may have to postpone your dreams. You may feel like you disappointed the people whose opinion matters the most. You may have to deal with loneliness and heartache and fear, every day.  But you may also see each moment as a gift, each little hug as a blessing, each laugh as an affirmation.  You may fall down on your knees with gratitude to your friends and family, because they are so good.  You may be bowled over, thankful to God who deemed you worthy of a chance to raise a child.  And you may be amazed by your own one-of-a-kind self.

I know Elena, but I feel so tired!  I feel so tired of my life!

I understand.  Girl, it’s hard. When I feel exhausted, it’s easy to focus on the negative—on negative behavior, on things still to do with so little time/energy, on what we could be doing with our lives instead of catering to little people with big agendas.  It’s easy to miss the flowers all around us.  To miss the chance to be positive.  What would happen if we accept our children as they are: their messiness, their neediness, their czar-like demands.  We still set high expectations, but we meet our little people where they are and love them in that moment.  We appreciate them.  I read a quote about that this morning and it totally changed my whole day.  I took the time to just be with my kids and appreciate them.  To focus on what is so good about them.  I swear they noticed because they behaved better (not perfectly, but better).

And what would happen if, as moms, we would take the time to be positive about ourselves (maybe we’d behave better)?  To accept ourselves as we are: our messiness, our neediness, our czar-like demands?  Our big dreams, our big ideas, our truth.  That we are like the beautiful flowers, creations that points to a wise Creator.  We are the cascading plants, the shimmering waterfalls, the sturdy oaks, the weeping willows, the cherry blossoms. Is it easy being a mom?  Hell no (that’s the edited answer).  But we moms are beautiful and we are one, helping one another endure on this long and bumpy road.

With the fuel of gratitude and courage, trust and faith, we make it to the sunset leaning on one another and holding people up.  Of this I’m positive.